Now you don't become the chairman of one of the biggest football clubs in the world by being a total mug. However the way Barca seem to have gone about their negotiations have been moronic and offensive. I thought that I might give them a cheeky little lesson in how to sort things out.


First of all the constant media barrage? Tasteless and tacky. Think of it like when you were at school, trying to pull a young vixen (girl, Gooner Get Ya is anti-beastiality), you don't tell everyone in school that you want to hop on the good foot and do the bad thing. You have to be subtle and sensitive to her needs. Then you have a go and if she knocks you back then you reassess things and have another go.


"Oh we won't pay what he is worth" - Not a direct quote but pretty close. back to the school analogy, you have just managed to woo her and ask her to go out with you and she has said yes! Jackpot. Oh you just told her that you are only willing to take her to Burger King even though she is a Nandos kind of girl? Another fail.


Sending Guardiola to tap him up in the Spain camp? This would be like sending your best mate in to speak to the girl when she is with her friends, just barge in and ask "will you let him pop your cherry?". Embarrassing for her, you and everyone involved!


None of these seem to be working? What to try next? Link yourself to every other similar player and make it look like it doesn't matter. - Tell everyone you have slept with half of the girls in her class.


Soon I think Barca will tell everyone that Cesc has crabs so no one will want him then they will get the desperation penetration they are craving.